01/05/11

I saw some posts I wrote about two years ago. It's strange how things can change. It's hard to accept that things change. That people change. Things and people will always change. Accepting that there is nothing you can do about it is hard for most. I was one of them. I sometimes still believe I am due to the fact that the unfamiliar seems that it won't be as good as that which I once knew and that which I once felt would be the ideal to constantly feel.
What if we were to live in a world where things would stay the same? Where the outcome of things would always be the same. No surprises; no excitement. The same cycle over and over again.
Then again, how can love be unconditional and everlasting if everything changes? How can friendships be promised to last forever if there is no forever?
How am I sure that there is no forever?
These thoughts keep on making my head spin. So so many thoughts.
I sometimes find that these changes have made me stronger, more confident, more honest, more considerate, more willing to risk and stand up for those I love and care about and for what I believe in.
I don't have the answer to many things. But I sometimes wonder that that's beautiful. Not knowing..
I do have the answer to some things though. I can justify lots of situations with the presence or absence of love. It has always worked for me ever since I realized it. Every movement, every smile, every glance, any act from any person out there.
I think I found the answer.
I saw a documentary of this woman who was born in Kalamata and went to Brussels to study at some point in her life. There, she met this man who was twenty years older than her and was of royal descent (from what I remember). They fell madly in love and she told some of his family members that she won't know what to do when he passes away, seeing that since he was older, he would be the one that would leave this earth before she did.
It turns out that she got infected by this type of microbe that spread to her back bone. She went to Austria to get treated. It seems that the treatment wasn't effective and she died. Just like that.
There are many circumstances like these.
My mind races and I think of this interview J.K Rowling once did and she said that love is the most important thing. That when 9/11 took place, the people who knew they were going to die that day immediately called their loved ones just to tell them that they loved them.
I think that that's all it comes down to.
Aside the hate, the resentment, the anger, the hurt you may feel for a person (or even more people), will that all matter?
We don't realize that our time is limited. That we may not be here tomorrow. That what occurred between a person and us doesn't have much significance in front of death. Let me change the meaning :  that whatever has occurred doesn't have much significance in front of life.
Forgiveness? Ever heard of that? It's a rare trait. I'm not saying I'm a know it all. I sure am not. I still have a lot to witness and experience. But from the experience I do possess, I can definitely say that forgiveness can make you better person. It can heal you. It has been scientifically proven. Serious face. Okay, maybe not (!), but don't you feel better when you forgive? And I don't mean the type of forgiving that occurs when you're eight and you have a fight with a friend of yours and she feels bad and asks you to forgive her because she feels large amounts of guilt (even that is a great form of forgiveness!). I'm talking about the type of forgiveness that comes from the heart (or the head, I'm still trying to figure that out).
Selfishness and jealousy. Ahh.. nice to see you guys again. I'm kidding. But really.. these dudes can destroy your life and relationships. They are very hard to get away from. Especially the second one. And the first one. Okay, both.
I do believe it is possible to let those elements out of your life. Replace the 'selfish' with 'selfless' and you have 'selflessness'. There is an indescribable satisfaction in giving and getting nothing in return ''just because''.
Jealousy? We have all felt it at some point or another. It is hard to let go. I feel ya. What I find that helps is letting go. Most of you thought about the Titanic scene, didn't you? Admit it, it's okay.
But yeah, letting go is a very important and difficult step. But it is worth it.
I need to study. I need to study. I need to study.
I just can't stop thinking about the fact that it will be over in a couple of weeks.
Mixed emotions. I CAN FEEL, MAN.
Okay, that was unnecessary.
Then again, I like the unnecessary.