Δευτέρα, 12 Μαρτίου 2018
Let my tongue trace the muscles in your back
Let me kiss the curve where your breast meets the upper most part of your waist
Let my hair softly fall on the nape of your neck while I go even further
Let me graze my lips on your inner thighs until you experience an out of body experience
Let me make you wait and beg for that sweet release
Let me look you in the eyes when you let yourself go
Let me be a part of your momentary bliss
Let me be your quaintrelle, while you be my muse
Παρασκευή, 9 Μαρτίου 2018
Πέμπτη, 8 Μαρτίου 2018
She got attacked by a pack of dogs
But she said it's okay
I got some wilderness skills beneath my belt
She said she used to be a part of a scout team
They nearly made her leader one time
But they didn't have enough thread to sew the patches on
And she said do you know how you heard
About that family that burnt down in that house?
Well that was hers
She said it was just some hoax that she made up
To watch people cry
Yeah she whispered to me softly
Well do you want me?
Just how I am?
Do you need me?
Where I stand
Let's go steady
Let's make a plan
Marinade on that for a while
She wanted to die by a river
She wanted the tide to come up and drag her away
So that when she's dreamin'
She can watch the tree line fall away
She used to draw rainbow faces in the sand
But the rainbow made the face sad
Had bits of foam coming out the bottom of its mouth
It's kinda funny that way
Τρίτη, 6 Μαρτίου 2018
The dynamics of my relationships have often had someone else be my muse. Someone else’s beauty which I admired. A sentiment I could not explain. A connection of humanness, our submission to our natural core and animalistic nature of softness and momentary bliss.
I often wondered why it took me so long to get over my loves. I think it was because I saw their beauty when they couldn’t see it in themselves. It is so delicate and mesmerising. I think this is why I am often fast to give the benefit of the doubt or to feel sorry for people who have hurt me or to forgive, friends or partners. I snap into thinking they will be in an accident or I will never get to tell them how I feel if we ever disagree about anything. I want nothing bad for anyone who has ever hurt me. Sometimes roads are paved without permission or notice but this does not mean there are no positive memories. Having said that though, I have every right to be angry or hurt (which is often the case) if I was mistreated or if something shocked me or changed me with force and disregard/disrespect to what I am and what I stand for. I am really hard on myself when I feel these emotions because I feel pathetic and unworthy of feeling guilty for feeling negativity – if that makes sense? I need to give myself time to heal and that is something I often forget takes a real while and isn’t linear.
I can’t remember the time I made this decision, but I have always been a peculiar child who dealt with situations in ways “unnatural” to the course of the circumstances I was involved in. I am not sure if it was because I lost an important part my innocence at a young age or if I am too sensitive, but it is who I am.
I remember being at a gathering with other Greek and Cypriot people when I was little and there was the mother of a family friend my parents knew. I am not sure what she had but it was loud in the venue and everyone was talking to the person next to them. This grandmother, I could see, was staring into space and no one was talking to her. She even had a carer who I am not sure was at the time. All I remember is the kids my age telling me to come and play and running off. I could not leave though, I could not stop looking at her. I sat next to her and tried shouting louder than the music and she understood some of it. I don’t know if she had a memory problem or it was because of old age but our eyes met and hers had tears in them and she kept on dabbing them with the tissue. I remember patting her hand.
Another time, another grandmother (family friend’s Mom) came around to our house when I was still young and I was hungry so my Mom asked if I wanted to have this sort of porridge called ‘trachana’ in Greek. So, she made some for the guests and I remember she brought them in these plastic bowls that we used to use for breakfast that had a straw built in them so you could drink the milk hassle-free (!). So, I remember she wanted to feed me and I fed her too spoon by spoon. I remember us both smiling to each other and thinking this is interesting but did not know she had Alzheimer’s at that moment; I realised this when I grew older. Her eyes were so innocent and meaningful.
I have changed, I am more mature and straightforward. I have my morals and try my best to become a better human being but realise it is a constant process of learning. In the past, I used to not want to really confront anyone or any feelings because I was afraid of certain things such as rejection, embarrassment or feeling like I was falling behind what my peers were doing even when I was perceived as an adult. Now, I am not as afraid. I feel so much more comfortable and confident.
This post has no point, I just wanted to write today.
Τρίτη, 30 Ιανουαρίου 2018
I have not been on for a while but this month has been so eye-opening. I have spent many hours just being at uni and doing work, coming home late and repeating the same cycle. I got over 80% in two of my assignments and passed a law exam with over 80% too (pass mark is 70%, imagine)! There were times when I received the results that I actually did not believe it and I would go onto the uni system to refresh the page or visit it multiple times to see if that was actually the case.
I feel so proud of myself and also really tired. I have to finish two assignments by the 2nd of February because I am going to go and see my sisters and Mom in Glasgow which I am looking forward to!
I met up with a friend I have not seen since March last year. I have known her since 2013, when I started uni in England. Long story short, her Mom got ill last year and that resulted in her repeating her year so she could care for her. I don’t know why, but I wanted to give her Mom a gift. I remembered when I was in first year, we had Secret Santa in Christmas. We were assigned £10 to spend on a person we got at random. I got given my Taiwanese flatmate as the person I had to get a gift for. I remember I bought her a ‘kompoloi’ (strand of beads popular in many cultures used for passtime or prayer) that I found on ebay which was made of beautiful marble and mixed rose/peach colors on metal strand. I tried finding the same or one model in a different color from the same seller but it was a unique piece.
I was still fixated on getting her this gift, even if I could not find the one I wanted so I thought of asking my brother to make a similar model. He made a similar one with smaller lilac beads he bought from a vintage market in Beirut and was cotton stranded, non-looped. The funny story is that I thought of this idea in the summer.
Want to hear a strange coincidence? In November, my friend posted a picture of a tattoo she got on the inside of her arm that her Mom chose for her. It was an ‘om’ - a weapon of a Hindu god used to fight his battles connected to none other than prayer beads! When I saw the picture, I got goosebumps. I had not told her or anyone of what I was thinking to do apart from my brother who was going to make the piece.
I saw my friend yesterday, after months of not having seen her and gave her the kompoloi. Her family were very humbled and her Mom asked when I was going to visit so she could cook for me! The reason I am telling this story is that, sometimes funny coincidences happen and they are totally based on gut instinct. I feel so glad and humbled to make them feel happy and put a smile on their faces and the fact that my brother got to be a part of it is even better because I felt I understood his profession and the gift of giving even more. The fact that you can create something that can hold so much meaning.
Also, fun story, I came out to her and she took it so well. I realize how much I have grown. I didn't tell course mates or friends when I was in my first years because I didn't want to make it a big deal and, unfortunately, I thought they would distance themselves or stop being my friend or feel like by disclosing my sexuality that I would fancy them. She even apologised for not being there for me last year which I found really sweet! We discussed about relationships and priorities in life and uni. I do believe I learned a lot about life and myself when I was with my previous girlfriend. I do feel, however, that I would not have achieved as much if I was still with her. Not because she was holding me back but because time is fixed and being in a long-distance relationship, you have to input the time you don’t see them in physically by talking/Skyping etc.
I do not regret anything I have been through as it made me who I am today and I am happy as to where I am although I know there is always room for progress in this life.