Δευτέρα, 14 Αυγούστου 2017

You'll Never Know


You’ll never know about the boy who fought with the coppers and got sentenced instead of his younger village friend in a football match.
You’ll never know about the Mom of four who once broke down many years ago when an old family friend asked her when she was going to finally get pregnant while she thought she could not conceive.
You’ll never know about the man who forged being ill in order to avoid his army service.
You’ll never know about the girl who slept with her past innocence, only to wake up to cover her shoulders.
You’ll never know about the plane tickets the woman booked to see her lover and never made it to the airport due to unforeseen circumstances.
You’ll never know about the man with the cane of pinned locations, ready to discuss each and every one with the most meticulous manner.
You’ll never know about the sacrifice a father has made to see his children scarcely but support them constantly.

You’ll never know these stories but they are all around us.
We are sometimes so fast to judge others that we forget they are made up of a plethora of stories; sad and merciful but ecstatic and inspiring too.

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Orphan Black Finale

I am saving myself from watching the last episode of Orphan Black. Promised my sister to watch it with her by distance because I have often watched the episodes without her due to her busy schedule (and my lack of self-control with anything Orphan Black related but let’s not get into that!).

I have seen some snippets here and there, some gifsets and interviews. Perhaps delaying myself from watching the last episode, subconsciously, leaves me the opportunity to have the power to end this wonderful journey on my terms.

What can I say about this masterpiece? What can I first touch upon, I really do wonder. I started this series because of a gifset I had come across of Cosima and Delphine kissing in season 2 in the new lab. Back then, I started watching it because 18 year old me was primarily excited to come across anything LGBT related. Little did I know what an impact this series will have on my life, the formation of some important relationships and my outlook on life, on science, on (bio)ethics, on autonomy, on consent, on love, on the meaning of family (biological or chosen) and the multitude of these expressions.

I can sincerely say I grew up with Orphan Black. It changed and matured me in ways I never expected a mere piece of art to do so. Because at the end of the day, Orphan Black is art. It touched and still continues to touch so many viewers, it made people question the ethics behind science; it made people question the dynamics of sexuality and identity; it made people come to terms with what evil and power can do when disguised in the form of authority figures – be it in science or corporate environments.

I identified with many of the characters; with their weaknesses, their stubbornness, their sassiness, their humor. I cried when some of them reunited – be it lovers or family. I was challenged mentally and emotionally with every episode.

This is what I will keep from this amazing show. Regardless of the fact I am known to have an obsession – I do not remember every detail, every face or name of it but the sentiment and wonder it offered me is enough to last me a lifetime. 

That, on its own, is worth the world.

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Τρίτη, 1 Αυγούστου 2017

Strange how we perceive time, history, destiny.
How we fantasize about teleportation, time travel, superhuman strength. Our lives in the present are made up of ideas our ancestors could only ever dream of. It is almost anachronistic; Oh, the irony.
Sometimes I think of why we are fascinated by time travel. Just like in ‘Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban’ where Hermione used to travel back in time to make it to all her extra classes – it is such a quirky thought though - to see yourself as a familiar stranger. In this case, it is not even relevant to include the existence of alternate universes or dimensions (I am still not sure if one impacts the other or is the outcome of the other).

What would we do if we were faced with the opportunity to go back to speak to our past selves or move forward to meet ourselves in the result of our decisions? Would you change anything? Would you want to tamper with the ‘’natural course of things’’?

Would it be pointless? Each decision can bring forth such a variety of consequences and outflows of life stories and people which, if we really think about it, we would have not known any different in that reality anyway.

I would love to time travel to experience aspects of history in an unscathed manner. This is why I find archaeology, monuments, rare artefacts and everyday items so fascinating – they have been preserved throughout time and stand as proof of our life and human nature. 

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Κυριακή, 23 Ιουλίου 2017

How do you feel when your lover kisses your stretchmarks on your shoulder?
What about when they caress the birthmark on the upper left of your abdomen?
What is your reaction when they take your hips into their arms, when you feel the adrenaline rush through your body?
How do you react when they softly kiss your neck and you feel their breathing, giving you goosebumps from desire?
What does a kiss, which started with laughter and proceeds into seriousness do to you?
What about when you gently wake up from your lover hugging you from behind, warm, under the covers?

Why do we often look at our bodies as a nuisance? Why do we fill ourselves with self-doubt and put ourselves down for what we look like? I often wonder if it is because we know our first encounter with others is purely superficial. Their personality, their dreams, the way they treat others in various every day scenarios, the thoughts they have when they are alone in front of a mirror – all of these elements are usually hidden away enigmatically.
Our bodies are so majestic; they work in mysterious and ethereal ways. It is simply fascinating to realize how many biochemical processes occur every second unbeknownst to us in a molecular level.
How crazy is it to think that you and the person next to you were once a mere cell? How that cell developed and became your father, mother, sister, brother, teacher, lover?
When we think of our origin as a fact of miracle – when we view our existence here as a form of miracle, what does that make us feel like?
When we realize this, when we learn to really love ourselves, it is a feeling of liberation. This sentiment is really difficult to attain because we are affected by many people and their demands or preconceived notions.

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Κυριακή, 9 Ιουλίου 2017

In the boy with the feet of a dancer, the heart of a lion
Swift movements, to exert his fire, his passion and pain

In the man who recently lost his sight, the eyes of the future
Brushes of maroon, turquoise, beige and lilac – to distinguish his perception of reality, his canvas of beauty

In the woman with Parkinson’s, hands of magic
Touch of keys, each sound a teardrop in her ocean of melodies, her breaths of late night memoirs

In the girl who recently lost her partner, the gift of patience, of insight
To resist the easy route, to feel the art in perseverance, in transient repetition
To console her past love’s past lover
To lay with her first love and tuck her in amid cycles of unconsciousness.

This, right here, this is who we are.
With all of our mistakes and weaknesses.
It is the decisions we have to replenish our ever-changing purpose.

A life without sacrifice is one worth defying.

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Παρασκευή, 7 Ιουλίου 2017

You are not going to be the reason I draw into myself again.
Your actions will not make me immobile or suffocate me any longer, just like theirs did.
I will not tip-toe around your wrongdoings because your ‘hormones are all over the place’.
Justified, because of what is between your legs.
Confident, because being honest is difficult and so beneath you.

I will not take the blame for being too analytical or taking behaviours too seriously.
I will take the responsibility of making things right.
I will not be told to relax when my body is treated with disrespect.
I will not be silent and poised while you are allowed to laugh and breathe without any remorse or regret.
I will not be the one who will carry your heavy conscience.

This will be the start to change.

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Δευτέρα, 26 Ιουνίου 2017

I’m listening to this song. The clock just ticked to midnight the moment I started writing.
I love how in these hours we feel most at peace. How, in order to find inner peace, the English sky never fully darkens in the summer. I remember how odd that felt to witness when I lived in Glasgow that year, coming home from a night out at 4 am with the bright sun out already.
I thought when we separated that I would go mad, I was so used to talking to you about anything and everything that I felt I had no one to vent to.
I remember the first days we started talking, planning Skype conversations and opening up too much and too quickly. Inappropriate sexual gifsets, inside jokes, my lists on word about conversation topics to go through.

I find it strange how I don’t enjoy capturing some moments which I know I will miss and almost always do. I think I do it on purpose so I can be ever present in that moment, take as much of it in as I can but then I miss it and the irony is my memory is strange – it often contains details of images and people and situations I never thought I would keep.
You know, I wrote you some letters a few days after we broke up. Some days I wrote more than one. They’re all in your box under my bed. I came across some videos you had sent me and pictures I thought I had forgotten. I had so much wine those days. I don’t think I had ever smoked so much or drank so much. I couldn’t understand how, even after we separated, you still cared to see I was okay and I was safe.

I remember you asked me once why I delete some of the pictures you send me. The other day, I came across some videos you made me. In one of them you told me not to cry while in others you made parodies about Matt Corby and Adele’s songs and there I was, uncontrollably bawling my eyes out of sadness from nostalgia and laughter because you really are a funny one.

I miss you so much sometimes but I also know you are doing the things that make you happy. All I ever wanted and want is for you to be at peace, little one. You deserve it so much. I am sometimes in pain as I ponder over the past about the ways I behaved and wish I could take back those moments. But this made me learn, this made me grow and mature, my girl, it really did.

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