For the past few years, I experience more menstrual pain which sometimes causes me to wake up at night and pain killers do nothing for me.

When I had experienced the same one summer in Greece, I remember how the pain was so bad I was lying in the foetal position with tears rolling down my face from agony.
This was the same night we had one of our most serious fights, and I will never forget the way you took care of me. Just like that time when my neck got strained and you went out to get medicines for me and looked after me. That night, you just hugged me from behind and put your hand on mine above my abdomen. You kissed and consoled me, trying to keep me warm while I was in pain.

The same happened two nights ago and I tried to stay warm but couldn’t get to sleep. I tried forming the pillows in such a way that my stomach was covered so I could get some alleviation of my ache.

I managed to fall asleep and saw you with your partner. We were all having a meal of some sort and even though I knew you were together, when I would reply I would stroke your hand and laugh but would forget and instantly take my hand back as she looked at me in awkwardness and anger.

I then remember seeing myself lie on a couch, with my head in the lap of another girl, again in the foetal position, drifting in and out of sleep. I was holding on to her right arm, just like a child holds on to their teddy bear when they are in bed for comfort. She asked me ‘Are you holding onto me because you’re in pain?’ and chuckled while I stroked her hand with my fingers.

I found these dreams so interesting. How, in pain, our subconscious can integrate random thoughts and feelings we once had for old lovers.

Copyright © M.E.S.