Presenting complaint
Female, early twenties, admitted to A&E with shortness of breath, irregular breathing
“Check O2 levels, pulse, does she look pale, does her skin look okay to you?”
Quick, check, ask, wait, ask again, re-assess, ask again, ask again, ask again
“Can you tell me your name? What date is it? What’s your date of birth?”

The clock ticks the same but time passes fast.

Consultants rush around in bumble-bee formation
Trying to get close to the source – but not too close - or else they might make it worse
Nurses and paramedics fill in the gaps of stripes, moving to the guidelines, approaching the source with equipment and behaviour which is dependent on the inverse situation.
Movements flow to the energy emitted by the source
Choreography is never scripted in this theatre
There are technicians taking the medication history with the pharmacist, muted, in the background
The lights set the background to a mellow maroon
Voices are getting more silent

People are being brought in the world with every tick.
People are experiencing their last breath with every other one.

Parenteral ammunition, strong input and pose.
IV druids, dripping at the rate of ‘La Vie En Rose’.

Until it becomes a black of nothingness.
A black of irreversible silence.

Copyright © M.E.S.

"And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself."








Online Users

For the past few years, I experience more menstrual pain which sometimes causes me to wake up at night and pain killers do nothing for me.

When I had experienced the same one summer in Greece, I remember how the pain was so bad I was lying in the foetal position with tears rolling down my face from agony.
This was the same night we had one of our most serious fights, and I will never forget the way you took care of me. Just like that time when my neck got strained and you went out to get medicines for me and looked after me. That night, you just hugged me from behind and put your hand on mine above my abdomen. You kissed and consoled me, trying to keep me warm while I was in pain.

The same happened two nights ago and I tried to stay warm but couldn’t get to sleep. I tried forming the pillows in such a way that my stomach was covered so I could get some alleviation of my ache.

I managed to fall asleep and saw you with your partner. We were all having a meal of some sort and even though I knew you were together, when I would reply I would stroke your hand and laugh but would forget and instantly take my hand back as she looked at me in awkwardness and anger.

I then remember seeing myself lie on a couch, with my head in the lap of another girl, again in the foetal position, drifting in and out of sleep. I was holding on to her right arm, just like a child holds on to their teddy bear when they are in bed for comfort. She asked me ‘Are you holding onto me because you’re in pain?’ and chuckled while I stroked her hand with my fingers.

I found these dreams so interesting. How, in pain, our subconscious can integrate random thoughts and feelings we once had for old lovers.

Copyright © M.E.S.

Julien Smith - The Flinch

"You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch. Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.

 You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.

If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way."

Online Users

Appreciation post

A young boy singing along to ‘New Rules’ by Dua Lipa while putting supermarket stock away. He had a pricing sticker on his forehead and when I mentioned it to him he said it was on purpose because it’s funny!

A group of four boys running down the hill (two older ones in front and two younger ones behind them) and having the blue school tie of one of the older boys fall behind him. When I pointed it out, the older one (whose tie fell) told one of the young ones to pick it up and the younger boy went back, picked it up, looked at me and proudly exclaimed ‘He’s my brother!’ and ran off.

Seeing an older gentleman (construction worker) applying lip balm in the middle of the street on my way to work this morning.

Sitting outside my accommodation early this morning and having this little old lady say hello to me while she was out walking.

Having strangers smile at you and sometimes say hello.

Waiting for the bus to pick me and two other girls from the bus stop and having one of the girls see the bus pass in front of her, stop her conversation to say ‘BYE FELICIA!’ and continue talking to her friend.

Finding a Greek Instagram page with memorable videos from past series and laughing a lot.

Staying in touch with friends. Laughing wholeheartedly and making them laugh (I love the feeling).

Being able to speak Greek with my classmate and see people on campus who I can relate to.

Getting a small chai latte from Coffee Corner in town and seeing a cute little cup. The waiters being friendly, the music being chilled and awesome.

Realizing where I am this month in the present and how far I’ve come (failures, challenges, achievements, bonds, people who I met etc) when comparing my life to when I started uni/finished high school.

Copyright © M.E.S.