Οι Χειρονομίες Της Σιωπής

Όταν σκουπίζω τα δάκρυα σου, δεν σκουπίζω μια απλή ουσία. Σκουπίζω το αίμα μιας πληγής. Σκουπίζω τον ήλιο που σιγά σιγά έδυε εκείνο το απόγευμα του Αυγούστου. Την αδικία που ποτέ δεν ειπώθηκε γιατί η θυσία ήταν πιο γενναιόδωρη. Αλλά και το δίκιο που ποτέ δεν βρέθηκε για τον ίδιο λόγο. Την αγάπη που ποτέ δεν είχε την ευκαιρία ν’ανθίσει . Την κούραση και την απελπισία που χαρακώθηκε στο υποσυνείδητο αλλά και στα μελανιασμένα χέρια σου.

Όταν σε κρατώ στην αγκαλιά μου και η καρδιά μου ακουμπά τη δική σου, θέλω να βιώσω τον πόνο σου. Να τραβήξω την λύπη από μέσα σου ή έστω να πάρω λίγη από αυτή για να δεις πως ο δρόμος της μοναξιάς δεν χρειάζεται να είναι τόσο στενός και μονόχρωμος όπως τον φαντάζεσαι.

Όταν κρατώ το χέρι σου, δεν είναι επειδή θέλω να σε περιορίσω ή επειδή σε θεωρώ δικό μου αποκλειστικά άνθρωπο. Είναι γιατί θέλω να νιώσεις πως έχεις την ελευθερία και τη δύναμη να είσαι ο εαυτός σου και να ζήσεις χωρίς τον φόβο της αποτυχίας και της απόρριψης. Να νιώσεις πως ένας τρόπος αποδέσμευσης από τον πόνο σου είναι η συγχώρεση του εαυτού σου αλλά και των γύρω σου. Να συνειδητοποιήσεις πως μπορείς να εμπιστεύεσαι και να δίνεσαι ανεπιφύλακτα διότι εκεί φυλάσσεται το νόημα της αγάπης και της ζωής.

Γι’αυτό, όταν δεν θα’μαι εκεί να σκουπίζω τα δάκρυά σου, να σε κρατώ στην αγκαλιά μου και να κρατώ το χέρι σου, να θυμάσαι αυτό : η αγάπη τείνει στο άπειρο. Το άπειρο δεν έχει τέλος. 

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'Jewels' by Sara Teasdale

If I should see your eyes again,
I know how far their look would go 
Back to a morning in the park
With sapphire shadows on the snow.

Or back to oak trees in the spring
When you unloosed my hair and kissed
The head that lay against your knees
In the leaf shadow's amethyst.

And still another shining place
We would remember how the dun
Wild mountain held us on its crest
One diamond morning white with sun.

But I will turn my eyes from you
As women turn to put away
The jewels they have worn at night

And cannot wear in sober day.

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Just Thoughts

Have you ever just stood in the middle of a street and quietly noticed what was going on around you?

I was in the car the other day with my parents and older sister and I tried to find the difference and emotion in the silence of images.

As we were passing street lights, I saw this young couple waiting in their car for the green light to turn on. Not long after, they leaned towards each other, and kissed with a small smile on their lips.

We passed another street, there was this couple waiting at the corner of this street. I think the girl had to leave but the guy kept on pulling her back for a kiss. They were smiling and being silly.

We were driving into another part of the city.

I opened my window, let my hand out and just let the summer breeze sweetly hit it while the radio was playing some classic 80s and 90s music.

I let my mind wander.

Silence makes things more clear.

Sound makes things more clear.

A couple of days ago, I wanted to go and fill up my water bottle and saw two children in front of the water fountain. They were brothers and must have had at least a two year difference. The older one drank water quite fast whereas the younger one couldn't reach. His older brother told him to bend and try reaching it. He tried, but he couldn't. Without a thought, the older brother cupped his right hand and started filling it with water, in order to give it to his brother. The water would slip out of his hand. I suggested using both hands. It worked. The younger boy would essentially lick the beginning of his brother's hands - it was extremely cute. When they finished, I asked them if they wanted more water and the younger boy looked at me with his blue eyes and shyly murmured 'no', smiled and subtly ran off with his older sibling.

There was this little girl with her Dad and brother (I assume) who had hit her foot and was crying.

Made me miss my earlier childhood.

Last night I was waiting at the corner of this street for my sister to come.

I was looking at the lights, the apartments and the patterns of the bars on windows and balconies.

I had this sort of, curiosity, and looked at people's expressions, the way their eyes went when they heard something humorous or when they listened to the person who was talking to them.

I wondered why some people were eating alone. If they felt uncomfortable or content with themselves.

There was this dog who went into this fountain which was full of water and was drinking water. I couldn't help but smile.

This person who was probably working at the restaurant in front of the fountain threw water at the dog (once it came out of the water) to make it go away. I wanted to go and say something but the dog just left and started following this couple that walked past it.

Another dog repeated the same scenario.

There were people who were feeding a dog a piece of their dinner.

I don't know why I'm talking about these - they must seem so unimportant. But don't the unimportant things make up life too? A glance from a stranger, a child's laugh, the smell of food, the stars, music, the feeling that anything can happen and that we haven't yet seen what has yet to come..  I can't get enough of it.
















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'Lovers Fall' by Melisses

With a pair of blue jeans

I’m packing my dreams and my bag’s got a hole

Felt you like a disease

Baby no one can ease that pain in my soul

Don’t ever try - you’ll lose it all

They say lovers die when they fall

Don’t ever try – you’ll lose it all

They say lovers die when they fall… In love.

CHORUS

And every time I fool around your face gets on my way

And there’s nothing more to say

And I’m leaving

And every time I go to bed I get no sleep at all

And there’s no one I can call

And I know I’ll never fall… In love.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Got my heart in my hands, my cold feet never dance

Oh I’m crawling to your door

Baby, I know you don’t care about me at all but I’ll just throw it on the floor

I know I shouldn’t try to lose it all

They say lovers die when they fall

If I ever try to lose it all

They say lovers die when they fall… in love.

CHORUS

And every time I fool around your face gets on my way

And there’s nothing more to say

And I’m leaving

And every time I go to bed I get no sleep at all

And there’s no one I can call

And I know I’ll never fall… in love.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

In love

Yeah, yeah, yeah

In love

Homework from Year 1

‘This weekend I went to Artemis’s hose and I play with her and I went to the parck and I went home to playd with my toys’.

'My favourite color

My favourite colour is Green because it is my brothers colour and it is my brothers house colour and is my favourite colour too. And I like Green apples And Green grass And Green trees.'

'(name of unknown creature) can scer you cose it can poyzne you and sometimes it can be dAgris.'

 'My giraffe will sleep in my room. I feed him bananas we wil play Tag.'

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Another post with my thoughts

‘’The more you care, the more you have to lose’’ or ‘’Fuck love’’ or ‘’In this life, what you give is what you get’’ or ‘’(insert other quotes from various people)’’. I come across these posts on social networking websites and every once in a while I think about the meaning behind each phrase, the background it was (accidentally?) placed in and the initial intentions of the creator. I sometimes don’t give much thought unless I have other things to do but when I actually take the time to, my mind races and thoughts get all boggled up.

I thought about the first phrase which I saw a couple of minutes ago. It made me wonder. The more a person cares.. the more the person has to lose. I wondered if I was interpreting it metaphorically with a shade of pessimism. Or was it reality?

‘Caring’ comes in many shapes and forms… in words, thoughts and actions. So does ‘losing’. Caring and losing (reminds me of that ‘Friends’ episode in which Joey was reading his speech to his two best friends who were planning on getting married but that’s not the point now, Marilena) is to be expected. In what type of quantities and frequencies is up to the person. I think that all things take their course in this life. It’s a well known fact. But does the fact that you will someday come across something so breathtakingly precious - whether that may be a person or a form of art or literature and what have you - mean that you shouldn’t accept that you will someday lose it? The thing is, you will. It’s a part of existence. And you know what? That’s beautiful. That’s beautiful because it’s peculiar yet exiting to know that you can simultaneously be one being, with your own needs and desires, but also you can ‘’belong’’ or ‘’have’’ another person or thing that can without a doubt be ‘’yours’’, with all the meaning of autonomy. It’s as if there are many dimensions of meanings;  A multiplicity of significance depending on the source which can permit itself to see the complexity of the intellectual schemes.

‘’In this life, what you give is what you get’’. That doesn’t always work. I’m thinking about many war victims. I’m thinking about karma. I’m thinking if I even believe that karma exists. I’m thinking about the Holocaust, Hitler and the genocides that have occurred throughout history. I’m thinking about the simplest example:  my grandparents. My grandparents, from my mother’s and father’s side lived through inhumane conditions due to war. Some of their relatives died because of war. Where is the justice in that? Regardless, some of my relatives ended up starting their lives from scratch and managed to create a pleasant environment for their children. My mind races and I think about people, especially children, who have been diagnosed with aids. Where is the justice in that?

I think that the problem with lots of people in modern day society is that they give up and get disappointed too easily which is one way or another, quite expected. Automation, with the boost from the industrial revolution, has helped man to deal with his everyday tasks faster, more sufficiently and easier. The problem with our developing, technological societies is our desire to have what we want when we want it without thinking about the work that is essentially needed to get the preferred outcome. I think that has somehow passed on to our psychology and our interpretation of how relationships work. In this life, what you give may not be what you get. Who cares? At least you behaved a certain way because it was what you wanted at that given time and it was based on the notion of something pure such as love, forgiveness, sentiment and life. I may be viewing this from a very idealistic point of view but really, think about what you have (and most likely take for granted) and who has sacrificed his or her time to offer it to you.

I would like to close with this quote, from a movie I am ashamed to say that I still haven’t seen but hopefully will sometime soon.

 Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. 

Goodnight.

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