Poetry

I read abstracts of several poets or writers or friends and I cry.

I cry because I never thought I could feel what was being described.

I cry because my core has been broken.

I cry because I can feel.

I cry because I realize beautiful things.

I cry because I finally acknowledge humanism.

I cry because at last I can discern the indirect meanings.

I cry because I don't want to accept the fact that I can't change what has happened.

I cry because I know that it's my duty to change what can possibly happen.

I cry because..

Because I can.

Dad

This is a picture of me and my Dad at this Lebanese restaurant last summer. There are times when I don't realize his absence and others when I miss him so much and just want him to be near me and hang out or talk. When he visits, he tends to bring more food or hygiene supplies rather than clothes. I like the fact that when he plays with his helicopter toy, he gets this delirious expression on his face as if he's a child and it's only him and his helicopter. I like the fact that I can talk to him about things apart from school. I like that he can openly tell me that he's too tired to spend time with me and go and sleep. I like that he treats me equally when we play backgammon. I miss his smell- soap and smoke. I miss his phrases ('did you brush your teeth?', 'sish-bish', 'spongey'). I miss being able to fit under the blankets with him. I miss him telling me that I'm a 'beauty'. I miss having driving lessons with him after trying how to figure out how to work the radio system. Ahh, I love you Dad.

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26/01/11

Wednesdays were always tiring. Ever since the school schedule changed, it has become more tiring. Ah, well.

I sometimes feel like there are so many thoughts running through my head and I can’t express them onto paper. Either that, or I feel too emotionally awestruck to do so. It wasn’t like that last year, though. I think that it’s due to the fact that I think a lot more before I open my mouth to express anything, really. I analyze quite often and too much sometimes and it’s sort of scaring me.

I wanted to go to this gathering at a cafe in town today at seven but I figured that I’d be behind in my lessons if I decided to go. At the gathering, there would probably be a documentary about the revolution of capital(maybe even discuss about capitalism?) and there would be a discussion about it afterward. I mentioned the gathering to my Mom and she said that I shouldn’t be interested in these things at this age. I didn’t know how to take that exactly..I mean, lots of people my age are unwillingly thrust into a field of knowledge and need to be informed about a diversity of things. I’m interested in things like these, though(probably due to the analyzing I mentioned earlier).

I sometimes wonder if I should keep a personal blog. A blog where I’m anonymous. There have been times where I’ve wanted to go over my day and write it down somewhere but I get held back because, even though I may not personally or directly know any of my followers, I still feel this eerie urge to keep things to myself.

On Monday, I had this lesson which, when translated in English is something along the lines of the word ‘Justice’. Well, in this lesson, we’re informed about the meaning of politics and political systems throughout the world and are given examples.

There was this statement in the book that me and this classmate of mine didn’t fully comprehend and asked our teacher to clarify and possibly give an example. He started off by saying that his example would cause an uproar from my classmate and he continued by saying : "One example I could give you is gay marriage. 90% of the Greek population is against it."

He has shown his disapproval towards this minority many times in class and lots of students-including myself- have said things that go into contrast with his beliefs.

Well, on Monday, two of my classmates and I were having a heated conversation about homosexuality. One of my classmates is a great guy but can have quite “traditional” values and beliefs depending on how he was brought up(his dad and grandfather have professions that are directly related to the church). He always manages to break the ice and put a smile on someone’s face even when he’s doing something simple such as the way he stares at someone. Anyway, while he was making a statement about homosexuality, he joked that they can’t reproduce and that it’s not normal. Many people laughed at this.

My other classmate is more open minded. She’s generally quite informed about societal problems and such and was disagreeing to what my previous classmate was saying by presenting her own examples.

When things were going out of hand in class due to the shouting, I read this passage in our book out loud(I knew my loud voice would come in handy someday haha) while everyone else fell silent. I read these exact words : "Εveryone has the right to develop their personality and to participate in societal, political and economical aspects of a community just as long as this act doesn’t disregard other people’s rights, the Conduct and morals in any way."

I read this to and looked at my teacher, waiting for any type of reaction or response. This was what he is teaching us, that’s what the book says and he is against it. Once I finished reading it he said : "you’re too young-once you grow older and become mature you’ll understand. Thirty years ago, political marriage was looked down upon but now it’s not. I look down upon gay marriage and I won’t see it any differently if society doesn’t."

Just then, one of my classmates(who wasn’t participating in the discussion already) said : "But, Sir, Marilena is already a mature person". I looked at her with a sympathetic glance and weakly smiled.

My classmates(the ones who I mentioned) said some other things concerning this topic. My guy classmate said something which bothered me and said that homosexuality wasn’t normal.. what is normal, anyway? A friend of mine and I were having a conversation in which she told me this exact same thing : ‘what is normal? A relationship that produces substance?’. It made me think. A relationship is something that is built on trust, honesty, friendship, understanding and most importantly love.

I turned my chair to face him and was referring to everyone in class when I said : "don’t homosexuals have feelings? Don’t they love? Don’t they get hurt? Aren’t they human, just like heterosexuals? How does a gay marriage, in any way, have any relevance and effect on your life? You’re not the one who wants to get married-it’s them."

My teacher got fed up. I’m not sure if it was because we lost almost all the lesson to discussing or if what I was saying bothered him.

What surprised me, though, is that two of my classmates(one of them was the girl who said that thing about me) came up to me and said that, even though they aren’t really for homosexuality, they liked the way I presented my ideas on the specific topic.

The classmate of mine, the boy, came up to me and said : "‘I’m sorry. I don’t want us to fight for homosexuals’", then hugged me. I apologized, too, for getting too worked up about it. But it is, nevertheless, a debated topic.

The thing is.. what I like about the group of people I am with at school is that..they may not agree with your ideas but they still make an effort and sometimes accept you for you and your whole package of ideas.

I feel relieved for speaking up for what I believe in and what I think had to be said(paradoxically during a lesson which is based on “justice”) after having thought about it(analyzing had been mentioned, right? Yup). I remember backing down countless times to this opportunity.

I think this post is quite huge. I just needed to let it out.

~Peace.