Δευτέρα 20 Φεβρουαρίου 2012

20/02/12

I'm just sitting here.. waiting for it to happen.
Wait, what is 'it'? What am I waiting for really?
I go over memories again and again. Over analyzing things that could have been and things I should have done. Nonetheless, I will agree with the infamous phrase that 'everything happens for a reason'.
I've been feeling so weak yet so strong lately. I can hardly explain it. Experiencing strong emotions can take its' toll on the way you perceive ethics, justice.. life in general.
I have changed in so many ways yet stayed the same in others. I don't know if what I'm going through is some sort of a phase.. some hormonal outrage.. all I know is that I can't sit still.
I'm so curious at times.. this extent of curiosity has a shaded limit that drives me crazy. I often feel that I am not myself. That I'm talking and speaking with words that I can't feel for the majority of the time.
When I laugh, bend rules, read various forms of literature, view art, listen to special music, wipe away tears, hug those who need it .. I feel free. I feel that this is what life is about.
I just feel so confused because this perception of what life should be like is not compatible to what most have in mind. Does that make me ''wrong''?

Παρασκευή 10 Φεβρουαρίου 2012

Freedom's Weather

A breath. It all begins with a breath. It all ends with one.

A sigh. You express your fear with a sigh. You lay exhausted from a long day with a sigh.

A beautiful being often comes to the surface to greet me.

Bittersweet memories are engraved in this poor human mind.

All of me desires to hold her, to kiss her and tell her things are fine.

All of me desires to see her cry; a profound miracle, a sense so divine.

I can never be a part of her movements, her thoughts.

Her thoughts expressed in the form of poetry, music and words.

Words so powerful, they make me want to disappear and burn.

Only her tears can let me in; only her fears can set me free.

Life is not a puzzle – life is a puzzle piece.

If I have learnt one thing along the way, it is to leave others gracefully with love

If I have kept one thing along the way, it is to learn how to release from my grasp, the dreams from above.

This being cannot grow if I am around.

I am a curse. I am an unwanted sound.

This being cannot value the experiences in life if my presence is near .

I am here, I’ll always be here.

This being cannot sprout wings and fly with freedom embedded in every feather if I don’t let her go.

I can’t foresee freedom’s weather. I can’t foresee tomorrow . Online Users

Δευτέρα 3 Οκτωβρίου 2011

Poetry

I read abstracts of several poets or writers or friends and I cry.
I cry because I never thought I could feel what was being described.
I cry because my core has been broken.
I cry because I can feel.
I cry because I realize beautiful things.
I cry because I finally acknowledge humanism.
I cry because at last I can discern the indirect meanings.
I cry because I don't want to accept the fact that I can't change what has happened.
I cry because I know that it's my duty to change what can possibly happen.
I cry because..
Because I can.

Κυριακή 6 Μαρτίου 2011

Dad

This is a picture of me and my Dad at this Lebanese restaurant last summer. There are times when I don't realize his absence and others when I miss him so much and just want him to be near me and hang out or talk. When he visits, he tends to bring more food or hygiene supplies rather than clothes. I like the fact that when he plays with his helicopter toy, he gets this delirious expression on his face as if he's a child and it's only him and his helicopter. I like the fact that I can talk to him about things apart from school. I like that he can openly tell me that he's too tired to spend time with me and go and sleep. I like that he treats me equally when we play backgammon. I miss his smell- soap and smoke. I miss his phrases ('did you brush your teeth?', 'sish-bish', 'spongey'). I miss being able to fit under the blankets with him. I miss him telling me that I'm a 'beauty'. I miss having driving lessons with him after trying how to figure out how to work the radio system. Ahh, I love you Dad.

Σάββατο 29 Ιανουαρίου 2011

26/01/11


Wednesdays were always tiring. Ever since the school schedule changed, it has become more tiring. Ah, well.

I sometimes feel like there are so many thoughts running through my head and I can’t express them onto paper. Either that, or I feel too emotionally awestruck to do so. It wasn’t like that last year, though. I think that it’s due to the fact that I think a lot more before I open my mouth to express anything, really. I analyze quite often and too much sometimes and it’s sort of scaring me.

I wanted to go to this gathering at a cafe in town today at seven but I figured that I’d be behind in my lessons if I decided to go. At the gathering, there would probably be a documentary about the revolution of capital(maybe even discuss about capitalism?) and there would be a discussion about it afterward. I mentioned the gathering to my Mom and she said that I shouldn’t be interested in these things at this age. I didn’t know how to take that exactly..I mean, lots of people my age are unwillingly thrust into a field of knowledge and need to be informed about a diversity of things. I’m interested in things like these, though(probably due to the analyzing I mentioned earlier).

I sometimes wonder if I should keep a personal blog. A blog where I’m anonymous. There have been times where I’ve wanted to go over my day and write it down somewhere but I get held back because, even though I may not personally or directly know any of my followers, I still feel this eerie urge to keep things to myself.

On Monday, I had this lesson which, when translated in English is something along the lines of the word ‘Justice’. Well, in this lesson, we’re informed about the meaning of politics and political systems throughout the world and are given examples.

There was this statement in the book that me and this classmate of mine didn’t fully comprehend and asked our teacher to clarify and possibly give an example. He started off by saying that his example would cause an uproar from my classmate and he continued by saying : "One example I could give you is gay marriage. 90% of the Greek population is against it."

He has shown his disapproval towards this minority many times in class and lots of students-including myself- have said things that go into contrast with his beliefs.

Well, on Monday, two of my classmates and I were having a heated conversation about homosexuality. One of my classmates is a great guy but can have quite “traditional” values and beliefs depending on how he was brought up(his dad and grandfather have professions that are directly related to the church). He always manages to break the ice and put a smile on someone’s face even when he’s doing something simple such as the way he stares at someone. Anyway, while he was making a statement about homosexuality, he joked that they can’t reproduce and that it’s not normal. Many people laughed at this.

My other classmate is more open minded. She’s generally quite informed about societal problems and such and was disagreeing to what my previous classmate was saying by presenting her own examples.

When things were going out of hand in class due to the shouting, I read this passage in our book out loud(I knew my loud voice would come in handy someday haha) while everyone else fell silent. I read these exact words : "Εveryone has the right to develop their personality and to participate in societal, political and economical aspects of a community just as long as this act doesn’t disregard other people’s rights, the Conduct and morals in any way."

I read this to and looked at my teacher, waiting for any type of reaction or response. This was what he is teaching us, that’s what the book says and he is against it. Once I finished reading it he said : "you’re too young-once you grow older and become mature you’ll understand. Thirty years ago, political marriage was looked down upon but now it’s not. I look down upon gay marriage and I won’t see it any differently if society doesn’t."

Just then, one of my classmates(who wasn’t participating in the discussion already) said : "But, Sir, Marilena is already a mature person". I looked at her with a sympathetic glance and weakly smiled.

My classmates(the ones who I mentioned) said some other things concerning this topic. My guy classmate said something which bothered me and said that homosexuality wasn’t normal.. what is normal, anyway? A friend of mine and I were having a conversation in which she told me this exact same thing : ‘what is normal? A relationship that produces substance?’. It made me think. A relationship is something that is built on trust, honesty, friendship, understanding and most importantly love.

I turned my chair to face him and was referring to everyone in class when I said : "don’t homosexuals have feelings? Don’t they love? Don’t they get hurt? Aren’t they human, just like heterosexuals? How does a gay marriage, in any way, have any relevance and effect on your life? You’re not the one who wants to get married-it’s them."

My teacher got fed up. I’m not sure if it was because we lost almost all the lesson to discussing or if what I was saying bothered him.

What surprised me, though, is that two of my classmates(one of them was the girl who said that thing about me) came up to me and said that, even though they aren’t really for homosexuality, they liked the way I presented my ideas on the specific topic.

The classmate of mine, the boy, came up to me and said : "‘I’m sorry. I don’t want us to fight for homosexuals’", then hugged me. I apologized, too, for getting too worked up about it. But it is, nevertheless, a debated topic.

The thing is.. what I like about the group of people I am with at school is that..they may not agree with your ideas but they still make an effort and sometimes accept you for you and your whole package of ideas.

I feel relieved for speaking up for what I believe in and what I think had to be said(paradoxically during a lesson which is based on “justice”) after having thought about it(analyzing had been mentioned, right? Yup). I remember backing down countless times to this opportunity.

I think this post is quite huge. I just needed to let it out.

~Peace.

Δευτέρα 6 Δεκεμβρίου 2010

Αποδοχή

Αποδοχή. Συνώνυμη με την έγκριση, το σεβασμό.
Για ποιο λόγο περιμένεις αποδοχή; Να σε σώσει ο δογματισμός;
Aναμονείς τη μέρα που θα μπορέσω ελεύθερα να αγαπήσω;
Σπάνε οι φραγμοί που υπήρχαν αιώνια τριγύρω.
Μήπως υπήρχαν πρωτού αναδειχθεί το φαινόμενο;
Ή ήταν, τελικά, τόσο αναμενόμενο;
Ακόμα υπάρχουν αντιρρήσεις.
Από ποιούς και γιατί; Aπό οικογένεια, φίλους..ανθρώπους που ούτε καν έχεις γνωρίσει.
Πνευματικά τυφλοί και καθηλωμένοι, οπισθοδρομικοί και ανεξήγητα μετανιωμένοι.
<< Την αγάπη διέδωσε στο συνάνθρωπο >>, σου συμβουλεύουν,
μα οι ίδοι γιατί νομίζουν πως έχουν το δικαίωμα να σου την απαγορεύουν;
Το παράδοξο είναι πως διαδίδεσαι στα λόγια σαν επιδημία.
Στις πράξεις των ανθρώπων που σε χρησιμοποιούν, όμως, αποκαλύπτεται η προσωπική τους λεξιπενία.
Το μέλλον είναι απρόβλεπτο, υπάρχει η πιθανότητα να εκλείψεις.
Μην μ'αφήσεις μόνη μου, πάρε με μαζί σου εαν σκέφτεσαι να εγκαταλείψεις.

Τετάρτη 10 Νοεμβρίου 2010

Τα πρώτα μου λόγια

Όντας άτομο στη ζωή δεκαέξι και χρόνια,

είναι ώρα να εκφράσω και εγώ τα πρώτα μου λόγια.

Που, πριν έρθεις είχαν ήδη σχηματιστεί,

απλώς χρειάστηκε την παρεμβολή σου ώστε να επιτευχθεί.

Συναισθήματα, χαμόγελα, γράμματα με βαθύτερο νόημα.

Περιπέτειες, συζητήσεις, μα πολύ περισσότερο γλυκές τύψεις.

Αστεία, έλξη, φράσεις που σε τρίτους χρειάζεται ιδιαίτερη σκέψη.

Περπάτημα, φύση, πολύ περπάτημα, που είναι η βρύση;

Ήρθες απρόσμενα και θέλω να μείνεις,

οι δυσκολίες είναι πολλές, το ξέρω, μα η καρδιά μου εκεί κλίνει.

Τα μάτια σου κρύβουν έναν κόσμο που επιθυμώ να γνωρίσω,

το βλέμμα σου δεν επιτρέπει το σώμα μου να μετακινήσω.

Τα λόγια σου δεν μου αφήνουν περιθώριο σκέψης και αναπνοής,

αφήνουν ορθάνοιχτα, όμως, το δρόμο της απερίγραπτης, περιπετειώδης σιωπής.

Ώστε αυτό είναι το ξακουστό αίσθημα που, για χρόνια περιγράφουν, για χρόνια με αυτό δημιουργούν, αυτό τους δίνει ελπίδα και γι'αυτό, πλέον ,ζούν.

Ποιός ξέρει πόσος χρόνος μας απομένει;

Σ'αυτή τη ζωή όλο κάτι μας περιμένει.

Όταν περάσουν τα χρόνια και αντικρίσουμε την αλήθεια,

γεμάτοι εμπειρίες, πόνους, νοσταλγίες-προμήθεια,

θυμήσου τα πρώτα μου λόγια.Σε παρακαλώ..μη με ξεχάσεις,

Μεγάλη, ήρθε η ώρα που μ'αφήνεις..ήρθε η ώρα να αποδράσεις.